De-friending. What is friendship in the age of Facebook

I had dinner with an older friend and neighbor recently and she asked an interesting question, "what does friend mean today?"  She comented that she considered that she had a few friends and many acquaintances.  She wondered how her grandchildren could have so many friends.  While I don't have quite as strict a definition of friend (I do believe that friend can be qualified by adjectives: best, close, casual) I understand her question.  People today claim many friends, but what does that word mean?

Of course her question related directly to Facebook.  Social media has definitely changed the definition of friendship.  Friend is now a verb as well as a noun.   On Facebook, users may have friends they have never met face-to-face.  Suddenly these friends are sharing details of day-to-day lives, looking at shared photographs, and depending on security settings, reading information from friends of friends.  So are these people friends in my neighbor's sense of the word?  No, they are not, but that is a direct result of a change in the meaning of the word.

Words change meaning over time.  Two that come immediately to mind are mistress and gay.  In previous centuries, Mistress used to be a title of courtesy for a woman who had no title of her own.  If you weren't a Lady, adding Mistress to your name was a courtesy.  Even thirty-five years ago, gay meant loud, boisterous, and lively. Has "friend" changed its meaning?  Clearly.  Without clarification, friend has little meaning.  I can talk about my best friend from high school, my neighborhood friends, my online quilting friends, and my facebook gaming friends.  They are not the same, and should not be confused.  Some friends are physical and some are virtual but all are real.

What does that mean for de-friending.  Before Facebook, friends did come and go.  Over time, new friends became more important and old friends disappeared, vanished into the mists of time or distance.  I remember former friends with fondness, often when I use a wedding present or reminisce about old times.  These friends were not "dropped" because we stopped being friends for a specific reason, but because we grew apart.  On Facebook, one click will drop a friend.  Suddenly your former friend can no longer see your posts, your photos, and the information you share.  I have only de-friended one person.  I regret that I did so, but don't think I want to re-friend the person either.  Has it become too easy to make and drop friends?  Does it really matter? 

This is a rambling blog post, but it had a kernel at its base.  I discovered today I had been de-friended by someone I liked in both the real and the virtual world.  I met her through one of my children.  I understand her reasons but I still feel sad about losing the contact.  I wish her all the best, and hope that at some point she will feel willing to renew our friendship.